When you live life one step forward, but two steps back
During my days where depression has its way, I have about four to five hours of active productivity within me.
Prioritizing doesn’t always seem to work since there is obviously more things to do actively during the day than four hours’ worth.
Included in these few hours are:
- Laundry (never-ending)
- Cooking/cleaning/organizing (never gets done, barely a dent is made in these behemoths of tasks)
- Errands (grocery shopping, post office, vet, doctor appointments, and such)
- Socialization (yeah, that’s a killer. More than two hours and I’m generally completely drained.)
My lack of energy is due to depression, bodily pain (previous injuries), and major introversion (which affects socialization).
Anxiety is a huge energy-draining attribute.
My living environment heightens my anxiety. In my younger years, every item in my living environment had its place; I knew where everything was. Now, I live in the midst of chaos because I cannot sustain enough productive hours.
Update: I have been purging all unneeded items. My home feels much more peaceful.
By the afternoon, I’m ready to stay home the remainder of the day/evening, whether or not I had already been out previously in the day.
Obviously, this lack of energy affects my…
- And Work (in particular if it includes being on my feet and social interaction).
Understanding and Empathy?
Does my family understand? Sometimes.
Do my friends and extended family understand? Very few.
Lack of understanding causes rifts in my relationships. I can’t make someone understand; they either do or they don’t or they at least try. Those who don’t understand or don’t try to understand fall out of my life. As painful as that can be at times, I cannot do anything to prevent it.
The people who need my energy the most are my life partner and son. Many times I don’t even have enough for them, let alone myself. I know I can be an anchor that just can’t be pulled back up. Trust me…I want to be lighter, to have more energy, to be more a part of the lives around me. I will continue to fight this battle. Medication changes, lifestyle changes, therapy: it all helps.
Don’t give up. I’m not.
If you suffer from a lack of energy, what does it affect the most for you?
You are not alone in struggling with this invisible symptom.
*The Impossible Task
Impossible tasks may include:
- Brushing your teeth
- Getting dressed
- Making a phone call
- Replying to an email/text
Also, as Backes says:
If you currently have one or more Impossible Tasks in your life, be gentle with yourself. You’re not a screw up; depression is just an asshole.
Copyright © 2018 Alicia T-Rust. All rights reserved.