Depression, Poetry

Deceitful Trickery of Mental Illness

The mind lies.

Within a downward spiral,

my brain lies to me.

Mental distortions such as…

…I have no friends.

……I’m not the parent my child deserves.

………If I disappeared, life would go on just fine without me.

…………What I do doesn’t make a difference in this world.

So, what’s the point?

These feelings,

although real,

come from thoughts that are lies.

I’ve learned they are lies,

Yet I can’t accept it when reality is lost.

During these times,

I cannot trust myself to make good decisions

…because I know my mind is irrational.

This is the deceitful trickery of mental illness.

My mind is feeding me lies,

Yet still, I feel their truth…

…in my heart,

……in my gut.

It’s agonizing.

I want to hide

…or flee.

Sometimes, I just freeze

for the sake I may later have regrets.

Recurrently, I succumb

…to my thoughts, enveloped in pain

…pain initiating in the heart,

then physically taking over my entire body.

This is mental illness.

First written and published on Medium October 2018.

Copyright © 2018 Alicia Rust. All rights reserved.

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