Life, So Daily | Take a breath.

I Swear I’m Not Crazy

Posted on September 3, 2017September 3, 2017 by Alicia

Stigma suggests otherwise.

Bit by bit, I’ve become more comfortable speaking up about my own mental illness. People hear that term, and they immediately think, “Oh no! What should I expect?” and they take a step back. Then they hear “bipolar 2” and they seem to turn and scurry away from the scary unknown.

I swear I’m not crazy. I’m educating. I’m advocating for others who struggle. I’m attempting to stamp out stigma. I aspire to prevent others from giving in to suicidal tendencies.

Recently, I’ve reconnected with old friends via social media. They knew me once upon a time when I was just me…quiet, happy, had close friends, living life as a teenager in high school. What will they think when they realize I have anxiety and bipolar 2? It scares me to my core that it’ll be another nice-knowing-you-but-see-ya moment. Continue reading “I Swear I’m Not Crazy” →

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4 Ways Bipolar Disorder Hinders Motherhood

Posted on August 20, 2017September 3, 2017 by Alicia

Being a mom is what I always desired. To love and raise a child, mold him and impress upon him the love of life. I was eager to provide basic needs to the more complex needs (such as discipline and instilling values). Unfortunately, my son got the short end of the stick with me.

I suffer from bipolar 2.

Bipolar transformed motherhood into a monumental challenge. Not only do I suffer, but my son has suffered as a result. This causes me immense guilt.

As psychotherapist Diana Barnes says, “Depression is just wicked. It takes away the enthusiasm and energy you need to be a good parent. And on top of that, it distorts your thinking.” Continue reading “4 Ways Bipolar Disorder Hinders Motherhood” →

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Back to School, Back to Bullying

Posted on August 8, 2017August 8, 2017 by Alicia

Bullying Is Not New.

“There’s so much complaining about bullying these days. Kids just need to toughen up.”

I’ve heard that numerous times. It’s not easy, though. Being the target of relentless bullying wears you down. Yes, as a child, I was bullied. I believe it began with a girl named Betsy. She was such a cute little girl, with an almost angelic countenance, and she was my friend. One day, maybe age ten, she was over at my house to play. Of course, back then there was no internet…we actually interacted face to face. She was a fellow classmate and a member of my Girl Scouts troupe. This particular day, though, her behavior transformed before my eyes.

What Did Betsy Do?

Continue reading “Back to School, Back to Bullying” →

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Stuck In the Sludge of Depression

Posted on July 25, 2017July 25, 2017 by Alicia

Mental Mud

Over the past week or so, I’ve struggled with a prolonged depressive state.

Not the deep, suicidal depressive state, but one where I feel like I’m stuck in mud up to my waist and trying to move while I slowly sink. It’s cumbersome and frustrating and not pretty.

I don’t know when I’m going to “snap out of it,” and I become frustrated. I wish to force an upturn. The longer it takes, though, the more frustrated and anxious I become. Agitated, I wonder when I can feel better again. The numbness to what’s going on around me is fine for a while, but eventually it turns into “what’s the point?” I slide further down into my depression.

Difficult Tasks

Sooner or later when I actually do something around the house, I receive praise for having done it. Don’t get me wrong; it feels good to be appreciated. However, acquiring a gold star for something so menial seems silly. Internally, though, I recognize the accomplishment for what it actually was for me. A triumph. Continue reading “Stuck In the Sludge of Depression” →

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